Freedom from Limiting Beliefs (Let Go of Your Parents)

During my many sessions with women, I hear an argument they make regarding their parents. They claim that even when they were children, their parent instilled in the women the thought that enjoying sex or acting in a way that men would interpret as inviting sex, was undignified. For example “don’t look men in the eyes”, “don’t walk around too exposed” (and the natural follow on: “so people don’t think you are a slut”), “don’t sleep with a man too soon so he won’t think you are easy”, “don’t expose your emotions too soon”, etc…
Many parents have good intentions when saying these things. They want to safeguard their daughter from the vicious world that threatens them or they are just motivated by old-fashioned concepts they grew up on. The problem is that parents don’t realized how much destructive power these phrases have on their daughters. Some women walk around with such baggage for their entire lives. It limits their ability to let go or enjoy sex. Many women constantly have thoughts that continuously disrupt them during sex. They come to think that if they are having fun, they are doing something undignified. Consciously or not, some women stop themselves from enjoyment and feel uncomfortable with sensations they have. Or, women might hear their parent’s voices echoing in their minds while having sex reminding them of the phrases that were implanted in them when they were children.
While studying Tantra with my husband, I was in many workshops where we learned the secrets of Tantra’s interesting approach towards sexuality. These workshops contributed much to our ability to communicate our sexuality and improved the quality of our sex. The workshops were led by Avishag Haya Caspi, one the pioneers of Tantra in Israel. Throughout the years we became close friends and my husband and I started to help coach workshops. During each workshop, there always came the time where Avishag would sum up her words and ask all the people present (mainly the women) to forgive our parents, let them be, and to stop blaming them for everything that is wrong with us. After all, our parents also had parent themselves…
Women of different ages come to me but they all talk about how hard it is for them to reach true sexual pleasure – orgasm – during sex. They all love the feeling of intimacy and the enjoyment of their partner, but they have a hard time reaching their own sexual enjoyment.
First and foremost for these women is the desire to change their existing circumstances. They are ready to understand and be open to the idea that they have the right to pleasure too! Only through this type of commitment to the process – where I first send them off to practice by themselves, alone, and only then to practice with a partner – will they reach a place where they are free and have the ability to control their own sexual pleasure.
Every women can become responsible for her sexual pleasure. Try. Enjoy. Experience orgasms!!