Long lasting relationships can decrease sexual desire. In the beginning most couples don’t talk about this fact because they both want sex. Even couples that are not very sexual understand in their subconscious that sex is important to substantiating the relationship. And of course being in love also contributes a great deal to this as well.
As the relationship matures and the sense of certainty in the relationship grows, couples find themselves more and more preoccupied with life’s tasks. Living together, getting married and the preparations for the wedding, buying a home, having children, and more, all contribute to this sense of certainty and to our growing list of tasks. The couple starts having trouble finding time during their busy schedules to have sex.
Many couples believe that spontaneity is a must in order to have sex. When he wants sex and so does she, and when suddenly they find the time, they enjoy it very much and in the end feel satisfied. This crossing of emotions at the same time that lead the couple to realize that they have time for sex leads them to also think that their wills are again synchronized. They feel great that they haven’t lost their passion for one another. They both hope this scene will occur again and soon.
But it usually doesn’t happen again. Definitely not at the rate the couple would have wanted in order to feel satisfied. A functioning sexual relationship is one where both the partners are happy with the frequency of sex. If one of the partners has a spontaneous desire higher than that of the other partner, at some point it will lead to frustration that will trickle down to all parts of the relationship.
When I present the idea of a weekly date night, many couples response with cynicism: “should I take out my schedule and write ‘Wednesday at 2100 sex’?” My response is quick and honest: “yes, most definitely!”
Spontaneous sex is exciting in its own way but it’s mainly the realm of singles. Couples that adopt this type of thinking into their lives soon realize that it is not sustainable. Some couples realize on the other hand that spontaneous sex is not the only way. They learn that planning sex can increase anticipation. They plan, focus, expect, and all this adds much to the moment itself. Additionally, the constant tension surrounding the question “when will they have sex” dissipates altogether.
Planning sex does not “kill” the mood and spontaneity. It only adds to it. Like I said before, relying on spontaneity reduces the frequency of sex so in any case relying on a weekly date night improves the situation.
During such a date night, make sure to clear your schedule. Put aside work, friends, and make sure to finish all your tasks before the predetermined time. The looks you share with your partner throughout the day will also be different, they will strengthen the secret that you both share.
